I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
