my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
