well I can't set my house on fire every night
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
