he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
