did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
