she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
