Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
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he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
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Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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