My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
