Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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