what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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