Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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