Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
