He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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