turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
