Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
