woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
