hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
