I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
