Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
