her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
