Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
It was confusing and full of hummus
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
