whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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