Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
