Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
