The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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