So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
