Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
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