Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
