I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
