Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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