I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
