i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
