OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
