Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
