I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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