This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
