At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
It was confusing and full of hummus
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
