I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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