I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
