Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
