There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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