If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
