she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
