why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
is this the sara with the beer cane?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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