i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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