ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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