my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
