Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
operation have a gay friend backfired
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize