I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
