u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
