Can i not drive my cunt home
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
