I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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