So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
