If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
