hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
my being single is dangerous.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
