Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Pants are for mortals
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
