the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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