He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
