I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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