I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
