My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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