Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize