I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
