i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
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We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
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I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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