just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
